Sometimes we have to deal with tough people, those who give unnecessary pieces of advice, criticize, and express their opinion at the drop of a hat. To avoid conflicts, you need to know some tricks.
Bright Side prepared for you 7 tips on how to behave with “toxic” personalities. Read and be aware of manipulators.
Speak clearly and confidently
Tough people choose a style of behavior with no clarity, giving them an excuse for their actions if necessary. For example:
- “You didn’t warn me I shouldn’t tell anyone.“
- ”I didn’t understand that we agreed to meet at exactly 10:00 a.m.”
It’s useless to hope that such a person will rely on unwritten norms of decency or common sense. Therefore, while communicating with such people it’s better to always speak clearly, emphasizing even the details that seem obvious to you.
Distinguish care from self-affirmation
Such people like to help in an intrusive and tiring way. This creates the appearance of care, and we begin to think they sincerely mean well to us but just don’t know how to do it any other way. In fact, this behavior is a way to emphasize a sense of self-importance, so it’s better you stop all their attempts to offer you unnecessary help.
Since tough people try to avoid clarity, it’s important to set boundaries when dealing with them. With a colleague, explain that you leave professional relations in the office, so it’s better not to call or invite you anywhere after work. In fact, the establishment of personal boundaries is normal for all healthy relationships, even with people you like.
Know when you should stop
Sometimes when communicating with people of this kind you really want to answer back, defend your point of view, or point out mistakes in their behavior. Yet by doing so we take the bait because they seek self-affirmation through a dispute or conflict, not the truth. Plus, in the art of arguing your opponent is likely to be several steps higher than you, so the conflict would be useless.
When a tough person’s behavior begins to threaten your good mood, use a plausible excuse to leave. In fact, it’s not very important what you say as long as it sounds convincing. Therefore, it’s better to prepare a couple of helpful excuses in advance.
Don’t make it personal
Sometimes it’s difficult to interrupt a dialogue that is harmful to your emotional health. And we don’t notice how the discussion of the most peaceful issue turns into a conflict. If this happens, don’t slide into a discussion of personal qualities because this is a direct manifestation of powerlessness. Talk only about the facts. Be smarter, and set an example for your opponent, no matter how trite it may sound.
Do what you love
After communicating with a tough person, there often remains a feeling of incompleteness. On the one hand, you don’t put an end to the conflict; on the other hand, they don’t burn bridges, avoiding any forms of clarity. Sometimes we ourselves feed relations with such people, despite the fact that after each meeting we feel like a squeezed lemon. It’s better to pay attention to what you really like and what brings you tranquility. After all, it’s our true hobbies that make us who we are.
Illustrated by Alena Tsarkova for BrightSide.me
Based on materials from Psychologie