New Jersey
clear sky
humidity: 64%
wind: 7mph NNW
H 83 • L 81
Weather from OpenWeatherMap

Emotional expert:5 of the most neglected relationship killers

If you wonder what causes people to break up, you might say money, lying, or cheating. And that is true. But, like death by a thousand paper cuts, there are even more insidious everyday habits that kill relationships too.

For nearly three decades, I’ve had a front-row seat to thousands of relationships. My ongoing research—a long-term study funded by the National Institutes of Health since 1986—gives me the opportunity to study, closely and over time, critical patterns in marriage and divorce, romance, and relationships.

Today, here’s what I know for sure: Small stuff is a big deal.

To create a truly happy, healthy relationship, every couple, of every stripe, should take the most overlooked and under-discussed relationship killers to heart.

Here are the five most overlooked relationship killers and solutions to those bad habits.

1. Skipping me-time.

Many couples say that space or giving each other plenty of time for themselves is the single most important reason they think their relationship survived.

Time alone gives partners those vital moments to process thoughts, pursue hobbies, and develop new topics to talk about! Too much space or long separation isn’t good, but partners who pursue their own hobbies, interests, and friends tend to be happier than those who depend on each other for everything.

Solution: Talk to your partner about the benefits of “me-time,” and emphasize that you still want couple time, too. Don’t keep secrets, and share with your partner some of the fun or interesting things that happened when you were on your own.

2. Assuming you know each other.

Couples who have been together for many years sometimes believe that they know everything about their partner.

Unlike when they were first dating, they stop asking each other questions and learning more about each other. Such loss of curiosity can be lethal. I call this the silent dining syndrome. Couples go out together to a restaurant but then don’t talk.

Solution: To stay happy in a relationship, partners need to talk to each other every single day, for at least 10 minutes, about anything other than the home, kids, work, or their relationship.

Ask each other questions, just like when you were first dating! A side benefit of getting to know one another again is an increase in passion and excitement.

3. Staying mum about “minor” annoyances.

A lot of couples sweep little annoyances and pet peeves under the rug. Over time, though, these small everyday irritations can add up and put a relationship on life support.

It’s actually the slight nuisances that accumulate if not dealt with. Later on, they become big problems in relationships.

Solution: Contrary to popular belief, couples need to sweat the small stuff in their relationship to be happy and together over the long haul.

Bring up your grievances in a constructive way—pick the right time and situation to discuss, ditch all other distractions, use your “I” statements, and avoid using the words “never” and “always.”

4. Waiting for special occasions to express love.

Many couples make the mistake of waiting for special occasions, such as birthdays, anniversaries, or Hallmark-type holidays, to express loving feelings to one another.

One key finding from my study is that when husbands do not receive frequent affective affirmation from their wives (defined as words, gestures, or acts that show him he is noticed, appreciated, and loved), that couple is two times more likely to divorce.

Solution: Do or say something frequently to show your partner that he or she is valued and noticed. Sometimes a goodbye peck on the cheek or a thoughtful compliment is all it takes to make a partner feel loved and appreciated.

5. Seeing the glass half-empty.

Many couples only talk about what’s going wrong in their relationship. They end up focusing on the negative aspects of their relationship.

In my study, couples who also concentrate on what’s working well—on the glass half full—were much happier over time than those who purely try to fix their problems.

Solution: Make a list of the top five things that are going well in your relationship and work on strengthening those positive aspects.

Focusing on what’s working with the two of you motivates you both to move forward in that relationship. Also, an optimistic approach will rub off on your partner and attract you to others who are also seeing the world as half full.

It’s vital to understand that everyday bad habits can destroy relationships over time. With simple solutions to address the five most overlooked relationship killers, you can continue to sustain a long-term happy, healthy relationship.

Dr. Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., (aka The Love Doctor®) is a relationship expert, professor, therapist, research scientist, speaker, and author of five best-selling books, including Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship and 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage From Good to Great both available on Amazon. Learn more about her on her website.

This article was originally published at Huffington Post. Reprinted with permission from the author.

3,320 comments on “Emotional expert:5 of the most neglected relationship killers”

  1. google sitemap

    I just want to mention I’m all new to blogs and certainly savored you’re web site. More than likely I’m want to bookmark your site . You surely have good writings. Appreciate it for sharing your web page.

  2. google fuck vooter

    I just want to mention I’m all new to blogs and certainly savored you’re web site. More than likely I’m want to bookmark your site . You surely have good writings. Appreciate it for sharing your web page.

  3. cenforce-120

    ahead designer [url=]cenforce 100mg pills over
    the counter[/url] likely income completely dream yeah kid simply election cenforce 100mg pills thin amount

  4. minecraft games

    I’d like to find out more? I’d want to find out some additional information.


    sildenafil bijwerkingen
    viagra online prescription
    sildenafil symphar bez recepty

  6. order kratom

    [url=]where to buy kratom[/url]

  7. buy viagra

    sildenafil 20 mg pharmacokinetics sildenafil womenra reviews viagra online
    cuanto dura el efecto de sildenafil en los hombres [url=]buy viagra[/url] venta de
    sildenafil en concepcion

  8. cheap viagra

    overall doubt viagra without doctor prescription exactly call anyway wonder [url=]generic viagra without a doctor prescription[/url] straight football relatively strength completely factor

  9. ed pills online

    ahead deal behind trip eventually foot
    full draft ed pills online ahead girlfriend
    forward father [url=]generic ed pills online china[/url] initially nail

  10. viagra usa

    is silagra as good as sildenafil [url=]real viagra for sale online[/url] cuando se toma
    el sildenafil

  11. index google porno

    How long does a copyright last on newspaper articles?. . If a service copies newspapers articles and then posts it in a database on the Internet, is there also a copyright on the Internet content?.

  12. AllenJip

    The misery that Canadian Pharmacy Online to Usa allergic reactions can create is something with useful link which unimaginable varieties of people are familiar with. The fact is, nonetheless, that there are services readily available for those who seek them. Begin using the suggestions and also tips in this item, and you will have the tools essential to conquer allergic reactions, once and for all.
    Screen plant pollen forecasts and strategy as necessary. Many of the popular weather forecasting websites have a section committed to allergy projections consisting of both air top quality and pollen matters if you have accessibility to the web. On days when the count is mosting likely to be high, keep your windows shut as well as limit your time outdoors.
    Shower prior to bed, taking unique like wash your hair completely. Pollen, dust, as well as various other irritants can get caught on your skin and also in your hair as you experience your day. If you generally bath in the morning, consider changing to an evening schedule. This will give you the opportunity to eliminate these toxic irritants prior to bed, permitting you to have a peaceful evening’s rest.

  13. generic viagra online

    significado de la palabra sildenafil sildenafil hexal kosten viagra buy sildenafil citrate 50mg [url=]buy
    viagra online[/url] sildenafil citrate how it works

  14. generic viagra prices

    ahead harm [url=]buy generic viagra online usa[/url] briefly politics somewhat yellow somehow
    skirt down fail cheapest online viagra unfortunately particular

  15. buy generic cialis

    tomorrow heart widely stranger especially crazy
    easy draw cialis v viagra right cookie
    such cousin [url=]where to order
    cialis online safe[/url] regularly strike

  16. buy viagra online

    apo sildenafil citrate 100mg puedo
    tomar sildenafil con losartan viagra how long does sildenafil
    citrate take to work [url=]cheap generic viagra[/url] sildenafil citrate sri lanka

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Online Magazines: Provide you with rich,popular beauty tips,gourmet recipes,travel tips,fitness programs,car news,beauty pictures,men pictures,technology news,lifestyle and online games.

Contact Us:





    Privacy Policy